


I'm No Clown

by Lonewritersclub



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Batjokes, Don't Get In My Way, Gotham, Grenades, I don't really know how to describe this honestly, Mostly just Joker musings on who the Bat is, Oneshot, Songfic, Zach Hemsey, and cops, have a look yourself, lots of them - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-07
Updated: 2018-03-07
Packaged: 2019-03-28 05:43:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13897515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lonewritersclub/pseuds/Lonewritersclub
Summary: He's not going to pee. He's NOT going to pee his pants!Joker is swarmed by cops but resistantly he waits for Bats.





	I'm No Clown

**Don’t Get In My Way**  

People think it's some kind of a trick. It's not though. He just can't help but laugh. He can't stop the giggles bursting from his throat as he passes through the bullet rain meanwhile adding a few drops to it himself. 

_It's a long way down when your head is in the clouds_

It creeps people out though. Not that Joker really cares. Not at all. No. He doesn't. Why would he? After all he's already kissing them with his bullets from his golden plated gun, he can't really get any ruder than that. Well, he wouldn't call himself rude seeing it's all just a big ol' joke but he's still heard some people say that, so what can he do.

Never mind what they say because they told him he was crazy even before he started shooting and blowing things up for fireworks - before he dared to laugh out loud and throw his head back in green smoke. And so no, he doesn't care. Really he doesn't. Even when he stands in the middle of a SWAT team with pointing bright lights that track each and every one of his movements and he cannot stop laughing. 

He's holding a grenade against his chest. It’s nothing much but a deadly explosive nonetheless. He doesn't even remember where he got it from, just snatched it in the middle of all that hassle at fluffy some point. He's curled over it in a big laughing fit, his bony knees wobbling. He's almost afraid he might just pee his pants in front of everyone, it's just so ridiculously funny. He's got absolutely nowhere to go, he's trapped between all these boys in blue (well black this time to be quite precise) in the middle of the day and a grenade in his hands laughing his ass off and look now, there's the Batman swooping in towards them in a cloud of ivory, flying through the sky.

Joker gasps.

No, he's not going to pee. He's not going to pee. He is  _NOT_  going to pee his pants!

A little comes out.

_Oh dear, what would mother think of him now..._

The bright green grenade in his hand is exactly why they haven't shot him yet, because if they did he would blow them all up.

He allows them all to gather around him, gradually getting closer to him, big shiny black guns with white little lights pointed vigilantly on his person. They look funny, like a swarming pack of ants carrying sugar cubes on their shoulders.

_And all around the sirens play_

_Don't get in my way_

He chuckles to himself, shoulders shaking and head swimming with endorphins. How deadly something so endearing can be, he wonders as he watches at a single SWAT member a little closer than the others. A brave little fledgling with a machine gun and high expectations. If she only knew how awfully uneventful her life still truly was even though she momentarily had the soul and laughter of another person at her very fingertips.

Only Joker could see the truth and the fact that nothing really mattered on this god forsaken soil watered by tears of the hopeless dreamers for he had seen the other side of the acidic green curtain and the tall dark handsome above it.

Foals and fools, what a combination to hide behind when the reality finally sinks in. 

However, it wasn’t as if Joker wasn’t high above his own earth too. He was feeling rather giddy with the delight of so much attention. The mere excitement of the wait for the big bad Bat was enough to bring him to his knees when they became too wobbly to stand on.

But now _He’s_ already there, massive and powerful, consuming and overwhelming towering over them all on a balcony. He snatches the grenade from Joker’s fine silk clad hands with his grapplegun, and woosh, all the cops come in.

Joker’s nose is pressed against the asphalt as he’s surged onto the ground. Joker keeps laughing, it is truly wonderful! It’s such a sunny day too for once.

They pull his arms back and handcuff him tight and snug. There’s a lot of yelling above him from where they are announcing his restraint.

“Oh, shush. I’m right here, no need to shout”, Joker says disapprovingly as he’s grabbed and wrenched up on his feet. Bullock glares at him as he orders the police around him to more useful tasks. Most of them are still left to accompany him to the back of a reinforced police car. A hand in his hair as they force his head down and another at his back to push him inside the car.

“Keep it quiet, clown!” they tell him in irritation as he continues on giggling away. Such killjoys these boys can be sometimes. Joker growls through his teeth and kicks the rude in the kneecaps. They come at him immediately, holding him down, shove him down.

_Don't tell me I should bow_

_Cuz I'm no clown_

Joker tries to catch another glimpse of the Batman behind the closing van doors but to his discontent, he finds him to be gone. Oh, that damned Bat. Joker so tries to entertain him but as soon as the game is over, he’s gone like the wind. Joker would sometimes so like to have him around for a teeny little while longer just to have something more between the time he spends inside a smelly cell and the hair splattering rain of the gloomy Gotham sky.

Joker tries to find a comfortable position on the uncomfortable car seat and fails. The four police officers with him look wary and uncomfortable too so I guess that kind of makes up for it. Joker wonders if Batman has ever sat in the back of a police car. It’s plausible but doesn’t seem that likely. It could be that his self-righteous roots began growing in the deep dark pit of a cold cell but then again it could be the opposite. He might also be just another boy in blue but who got tired of the limitations.

But no, the boys in blue are too interested in guns for him to work in a place like that.

Oh, then it must be the most obvious answer of all:

The Batman doesn’t have to work at all and so he uses his plentiful time to fight crime on his own terms.

That means he must be rich although that could be deduced just from all the intricate gadgets he owns. Unless he has a benefactor.

But that would be against the Bat’s very core - his fundamental need for independence.

So… who’s the rich, tall, dark and handsome dark knight of Gotham? Whoever could it be…

Joker smiles dazedly in his daydreams. The officers cringe.

Then they are hit, harshly. Someone has crashed into the side of the car, jostling the officers out of their seats. Joker’s used to these sort of impacts after driving some himself so he has no problem staying upright and keep his pride.

The car obviously stops from the smash. Joker immediately knows what’s up. The doors are opened and why don’t you look at that, it’s good old Harley girl!

It looks like the game’s not over yet after all.

See, you never know what's going to happen next! At least the boys in blue won't as Joker grabs a silver playing card from his pocket and throws it behind himself into the back of the car. Flames soon lick up the screams of the boys and Joker feels all warm and tingly inside looking all around himself on his tiptoes. 

Oh, wherever could the Bat be, he can't have gone far - he should know the Joker's not this easy to blow away, he's no clown. He won't be gone without a kiss of his on his cheek from a gauntlet or a growl. Joker's not going to spend his days in Arkham without his full permission. Those are the rules.

_And this is not a game_

_Don't get in my way_

The rogues litter the streets with bullets and flames. It can't be long now before he's coming back to him.

Joker rubs his hands together in eagerness and smiles wide as the sirens play. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I love this song, please look it up: Zach Hemsey - Don't Get In My Way.  
> And lemme know what you think!


End file.
